Horoscopes for September 7, 2011

If today is your birthday: It’s your birthday!   Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.  Plant a magic nose garden and call it a great day! Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Gargantuan furry creatures have begun to eat all the small furry woodland creatures that have been stalking you.  You can see this one of two ways.  One.. the bright side… Your problems are solved… or Two… Your problems have only gotten bigger… a lot bigger. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18) Try not blinking today and see how long you can go before your eyes dry out. Pisces (February 19 – March 20) Stuff the meatballs into your bag and have a great dinner. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Today is a great day to check out Planet of the Apes at Wilcox Theatres in the Vicksburg Mall. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Visiting the sites that you visit on your work computer may just get you in a whole bunch of trouble… especially now that your boss can check up on you remotely. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Learning the following six words will help you in your new career: Would you like fries with that? Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Great plans are meant to come crashing down. Leo (July 23 – August 22) Pinch it off already.  Other people need to get in there. Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Hey… The buffet is open all day long and it’s “All-You-Can-Eat”  That should cure the fact that you have no shelter, no food and only $20 to your name.  Have a great day.  Hope you can find internet tomorrow so we can tell you where you can find a job. Libra (September 23 – October 22) Plug up the Nintendo for old times sake. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) The key to life is hidden underneath the (to be continued…) Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Take your own lunch to work today.  You’ll thank us for that advice later. Oh… also take some cab fare.]]]]> ]]>