I Turned Sixty

How did this happen?  And don’t worry, I can’t believe it either, thank you.

Sixty used to be old.  It looks pretty much the same from in here as it did at 18 and the mirror is the son of a liar.  But of course, it is not the same and the mirror is an emotionless bit of mineral joined in evil magic by the Devil.  People also call me horrible things like ‘Sir.’   There have been times people have been caught with that polite smile people do when they are being understanding about your frail, advanced age.  It didn’t go well and involved looking around for the old person and having an epiphany of the bad kind.

The old ‘wisdom comes with age’ thing just isn’t true.  I still have the same stupid behaviors that caused me pain when I was a kid. Fortunately, that behavior only occurs with the people who were there when I was a kid, especially my little sister.  Bless her little heart.  The newer relationships have newer behaviors and somewhere along the way it became normal to not pull my hand away and stroke my hair with a smirk when we went to shake hands.  Don’t get me wrong, the desire to pull my hand away is extremely strong, but it would be wrong.  And it’s only been about three years since I pulled my hand away from someone.  They are still mad at me and that is the truth, there are witnesses.

I don’t care that they are mad.

That is another change over the years.  It used to be making another person angry was a sin.  Now its a daily practice organized around knowing what button to push for maximum effect.  But, in all honesty, I still try to not purposefully anger others and be empathetic to their feelings and emotions.  And if that doesn’t work I’m even apologetic and humble.  Mostly for selfish reasons.  I want to go to heaven and have this vision that people I’ve wronged along the way will block my path on the stairway to heaven.  Wait, I’m old, make that the escalator to heaven.  Those people blocking my path is a graphic way of personalizing the Golden Rule, but it works for my archaic and antique mind.  Also, I’m going to copyright ‘Escalator to Heaven’.

The topic of death still isn’t a real thing for me.  Yeah, it’s going to happen one day, or so they say.  I’ve been there for the last breath of a few and I’ve been really good about the last visit being positive and uplifting.  I’ve witnessed it far too many times and have known people who are now experiencing it fully.  If I were to expose my deepest thoughts it is that the concept that we just cease doesn’t play well to my ego and may be part of the reason why I’ve embraced faith.  We have no proof of an afterlife beyond our desire for there to be one.  I’ve read the good book from cover to cover several times and have spent countless hours in earnest study trying to determine the original words and why they chose to use them.  The childlike wonder of it all has been replaced with an intellectual curiosity to comprehend the entire meaning, in context.  In the end, you either believe or you don’t and all religions agree that we should be nice to others along the way.

When the new day begins the mirror will still be casting its shadow and the questions will still linger.  But I’ll enjoy what remains for as long as I remain.  The taste of that wine so divine and the smile in her eyes gives us all the desire to stay on a bit longer.